The “Big Three” Confidence Killers
Today we’re going to focus on the “Big Three” Confidence killers, which are all-too-common behaviors and ways of thinking that undermine your confidence.
Confidence Killer #1: “I need to have/do xxx before I can be yyy”
For example, “I need to have a million dollars in the bank before I can feel wealthy.”
This first confidence killer is a result of running the BE DO HAVE cycle backwards; for example, thinking that you need to have a certain amount of money before you can feel wealthy.
On the conscious level, any time you find yourself thinking that you need to have or do a certain thing to be a certain way, it’s a big red flag that you are killing your confidence! To get your confidence back, you’ll want to clear your subconscious beliefs and shift the mental models you use to think about your life.
For example, let’s say you have the belief “I have to lose 20 pounds before I will be attractive”. What this belief is really going to do is perpetuate the reality that you need to lose weight before you’ll be attractive; which is telling the Universe that you are not attractive now. If anything, this belief will cause you to gain weight!
This is the same way that the subconscious belief “I want a million dollars” actually keeps you poor by reinforcing the condition of wanting money….remember that if you actually had a million dollars, you’d stop wanting it, and hence you can’t ever have it, because you’ve told the Universe that you want it.
Confidence Killer #2: Speculating on 3rd party motivations
It’s common for those of us that are really “in our head” that we try to analyze and figure everything out ahead of time.
For example, when I was single and I saw an attractive woman at the grocery store (or the carwash, mall, etc.), of course I wanted to go talk to her, but I never did because I always asked myself “Why would she want to talk to me?” and couldn’t come up with a compelling answer…so I never did.
For another example, if you are a screenwriter and you ask yourself “Why this studio want to make my movie?”, you’ll just put yourself deep into your head and most likely give up on the project without ever submitting your script.
The list goes on and on – “Why would this company want to hire me?” “Why would these potential clients pay me to work on them?” “Why would he/she want to date me?” etc.
Remember that a confident person would never ask those questions – if you believe in yourself and are confident in your value as a employee/service provider/lover/etc., you’ll just do it without thinking about it and trust the Divine Mind that things will work out. And oh yes…let’s not overlook that this little piece of advice also doubles as the formula for success in any endeavor! J
Confidence Killer #3: Addiction to certainty
The third big confidence killer is the addiction to certainty, or the need to know how things will work out ahead of time.
Certainty and knowing how things will work out is the realm of the egoic mind, which most of us crave but is actually death in slow motion. This is how it works:
Comfort = Death!
Why? Because you have a choice: you can either be comfortable, or be growing, at any given moment, but not both.
If you somehow had ultimate power and could be certain of everything in life, you could force the Universe to make you extremely comfortable. Unfortunately, this would stop your growth, and without growth, death follows shortly.
Hence: Comfort = Death!
For example, if you need to be certain that a particular stock will go up before you buy it, you’ll have a hard time making any money in the stock market (unless you are somehow cheating or manipulating the system.)
Or, if you need to know that a particular women/man will like you before you ask for a date with him/her, you’ll have a hard time falling in love.